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 12:33 | 28/Jul/2008 | 0 Comment(s)
NEVER LIE TO A WOMAN

NEVER LIE TO A WOMAN!

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.

We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" " Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"

You'll love the answer...

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The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."

Permalink 
 10:54 | 18/Apr/2008 | 9 Comment(s)
One extra room - A bitter reality

ONE BEDROOM FLAT... WRITTEN BY AN INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER...- A Bitter Reality

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA , the land of braves and opportunity.
When I arrived in the USA , it was as if a dream had come true. Here   at   last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India .

My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.
I wanted to do something more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents   every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.

Finally I decided to get married.  I told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home.?  If I miss anyone then there will be talks.  After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.
In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in   2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays.  After the marriage, it was time to return to USA , after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbours to look after them, we returned to USA .
My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely.  The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.

After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty.  Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.

Every year I decide to go to India . But part work part monetary conditions prevented it.  Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then   suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick.  I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India . The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could.  I was depressed.  My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.

After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA .
My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India .  My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.

Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA .  I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India . I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.
Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.
Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this?  My father, even after staying in India , had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.
I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.

Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing.  This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it.  I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright.  Well at least they remember me.
Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbours again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them. But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'
I am still searching for an answer................!!!!

Permalink 
 15:48 | 3/Apr/2008 | 3 Comment(s)
The kiss: An Indian invention

The kiss: An Indian invention

Indianmovie_kiss I was surprised to read we Indians invented the kiss. Indians were apparently smooching as long ago as 1500 BC. The Greeks picked up the habit when Alexander the Greek conquered Punjab in 326 BC; they passed it on to the Romans, who spread it throughout the western world. How did the Celts and the Goths and the other Europeans show their love before the Roman invasion? I wonder.

But once they started kissing, they never quit. It's the Indians who turned shy. One hardly sees Indians kissing in public. There was a time when Indian movies did not show lovers kissing, instead they danced around trees! So I was surprised when I read this in a New York Times article which was reprinted yesterday in The Straits Times in Singapore: 

"Vaughn Bryant, an anthropologist at Texas A&M, has traced the first recorded kiss back to India, somewhere around 1500 B.C., when early Vedic scriptures start to mention people "sniffing" with their mouths, and later texts describe lovers 'setting mouth to mouth'. From there, he hypothesizes, the kiss spread westward when Alexander the Great conquered the Punjab in 326 B.C.

"The Romans were inveterate kissers, and along with Latin, the kiss became one of their chief exports." 

I wonder how, from the earliest kissers, we regressed into a tongue-shy people unlikely to lock lips in public. It was a big change from the sexual liberation seen in ancient Indian sculptures. The sexual excesses might have provoked a cultural backlash, but society might have grown more conservative also with the coming of the Muslims. The Muslims enriched art and culture. They built the Taj Mahal. The finest Indian cuisine is Muslim. But Muslims are conservative. And their influence was bound to be felt on the rest of the country, as they were the rulers too.

But India was later conquered by the British, who did kiss in public; so why didn't we follow their example? I don't know. One possible reason: India spent centuries under Muslim rule, while the British Raj lasted less than 200 years.

Permalink 
 10:46 | 25/Mar/2008 | 1 Comment(s)
salary increase

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

 

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

   

  Dear Bo$$

 

   

   In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

 

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

 

Your$ $incerely,

 

 

 


 

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:

 

 

Dear,

 

 

 

   I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

 

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

 

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Permalink 
 13:19 | 11/Mar/2008 | 4 Comment(s)
boy & girl salry

SALARY DAY

MONTHLY MILESTONES OF A Bachelor GUY
  

Heading

First Week

Second Week

Third Week

Fourth Week

a) Bank Balance

20000

2000

200

20

b) Conveyance

Auto ("I can afford it")

Share Auto ("I would like to share. I am selfless!")

Bus ("Public figures should travel by public transport")

Walk ("Good for health")

c) Girl Friends

Eena , Meena & Tina ("I can BUY love")

Meena &Tina ("I have enough girl friends")

Tina ("I am loyal to her")

"Huh! There is no pure love on earth!"

d) Mobile Maintenance

Frequent outgoing calls ("This is what mobile is invented for")

Restricted outgoing calls ("I should not create unnecessary traffic on mobile lines")

Rare outgoing calls (" Mobile should be used in urgent situations only")

Only incoming calls ("I am not going to call her until she calls me")

e) Boozing

"Come, let's go to Goa and freak out!

"Man, there is nothing in Goa . Let's go to Mysore .."

"The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. What say?"

"Drinking is injurious to health."



MONTHLY MILESTONES of a Single Girl

Heading

First Week

Second Week

Third Week

Fourth Week

a) Bank Balance

20000

20000

20000

20000

b) Conveyance

Auto ("after all my boy friend pays for it")

Auto ("after all my boy friend pays for it")

Auto ("after all my boy friend pays for it")

Auto ("after all my boy friend pays f or it")

c) Boy Friends

Abhinav , saleem, Peter

Sachin, sumeet, vinay

Abhijeet, Ram, christopher. ..

Arun , Saket, vimal..

d) Mobile Maintenance

Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)

Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)

Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)

Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)

e) Boozing

"Come, let's go to Goa

"Come, let's go to Kulu

"Come, let's go to Shimla

"Come, let's go to darjeeling

Permalink 
 11:02 | 11/Mar/2008 | 1 Comment(s)
y we r living

Hope this cahnges... 

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA
 
1) Qus. : What are you doing?  
Ans. : Business.  
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!  
 
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?  
Ans. : Selling the Goods.  
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!  
 
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?  
Ans. : From other State/Abroad  
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!  
 
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?  
Ans. : Profit.  
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!  
 
Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?  
Ans : By way of dividend  
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax  
 
5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?  
Ans. : Factory.  
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!  
 
6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?  
Ans. : Yes  
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!  
 
7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?  
Ans. : Yes  
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!  
 
8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?  
Ans. : Yes  
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!  
Ans : No  
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax  
 
9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?